This shall be my last update in this blog as well as the start of my new blog.

As I previously mentioned that due to several unforeseen situations in my life I now am back in Finland and maaaan it feels weird!


Back in London: 

The last day at work was like any day at work expect me trying to solve out and finish all of the things I promised to my colleagues, customers and myself.

We came to conclusion if in the end I'm not going to graduate into anything
at all at least I can be THE cupcake lady!

I made some cupcakes to leave at least some sort of a memory (taste...picture...sound...anything!) into the minds of my colleagues because they surely have left many a good memories into my mind.

Catching up with friends while I still could: 

Good company requires good food!

Some evidence of the Halloween

 I got a place and tables booked and a thrilling leaving party  started. Nothing major nor too big but good food, drinks and some shots. Scandinavian sea food and especially the herring woke up many a emotions and reactions...

Thank you guys who could make it again for coming! Will definately come and see you as soon as I get a loooong weekend off from work!

Living in London can be challenging but it also opens up your eyes in the most bizarre ways. Like what to be scared of, the secrest behind The London HELL and how living in London changes YOU. 

 My walk to my hospital in Euston for my physiotherapy that was supposed to be the last visit (but actually they wanted to still continue with me due to my all over the place shoulder plate) became one of those "memory walks" where I just kept trying to keep the print of everything I could see in my memory.

I got a soft landing to the finnish language when Topi arrived to London and finally also got the possibility to have a look at London with a holiday-tourist-point of view. 

I don't know about you guys but I have to say that London's probably the most beautiful city in the night time. 

Pubs... I'll miss the full pints and pubs!

Birch trees! You rarely see these in London!

Moving to another country can be a bit challenging and one thing I wont miss about London is the lack of certain punctuality in deliveries etc. Everything looks absolutely AMAZING and organized on paper but when it comes to reality we get the way too familiar all's-lost-situatio. The collection for my big parcels full of shoes, clothes, some kicthen stuff etc and study equipment of course never came. OH actually it came but I was ever informed properly about it. So there we were waiting for the delivery guy AND OOPS he came and didn't try to reach us?! (Maybe in a hurry for a Halloween party?..) So we ended up ordering a cab and dragging those parcels to the closest access point for a delivery to Finland. Eventually those parcels actually reached Finland and are carefully storaged to my sisters garage but I could have never survived without Topi. Way too much of carrying and probably would have ended up to have a re-surgery for my shoulder... ? 

Ended well so all's well!   

Bye bye London

It's hard to describe the emotions I went through during those last days in london and what I'm still going through. It's amazing to be back on your roots and with your family but at the same time it feels like I landed to a place I really don't know that much about. It's not just a change of routines or the scene that still puzzles me but it's yet again the sense of loosing yourself. I made my life there and even thought I lost my purpose and started questioning myself after my shoulder injury I still had plans. I knew what I was doing, every corner of my box studio, the flow of my week, the people, to whom I should call when I needed some understanding, the air, that guy in the corner store with the same jokes every single time I visited there, that the tourist standing in my way when walking at the Oxford St would always piss me off and that London would never sleep....

I was born in Helsinki, lived a many years in Helsinki and now I'm back in Helsinki and I feel completely lost! You should have seen me babbling with the language! Instead of using finnish all I can manage is "finglish" and the cultural norms and manners?... Don't get me started!


But just to reveal a few things for you guys:

1. I got a job!
2. I'm in a relationship now so no more cheeky single-girl-out'n-about jokes BUT now I got a chance to test the limits of good taste in the field of relationship jokes and report about funny situations.
3. I may have a possibility to make use of that Osteopathic knowledge I gained after all...
4. Still looking for a flat for myself that I can actually afford to live in while rehabbing myself and studying for a profession I can actually work in. (Studying becomes really expensive without any bursaries and funding..)

You'll here all about this in my new blog: ------------ (I'll figure out the name for that blog out later. How about Lost girl returns to HEL? Kiki's secret diary or Jag ska kolla IN HEL igen!....)

Note to myself: Never, ever, again party two days in a row and on fly the following day.  Definitely a bad idea. Let me repeat that: BAD IDEA! If the brightness wont make you crazy and the nausea wont make you ask why even bother to live the "ergonomically" designed flight seats will surely numb you arms and bum. Having a nap with a maximum lateral flexion and rotation in your cervical spine will eventually lead to some neural symptoms. 

-Ooooh... that's C7 nerve root! And there's the T1... wait. Did I just loose the function of my arm?!

People at work have been extremely understanding and I managed to make a short trip to Finland and organize my future life there. I'll have a job now and hopefully the flat will get sorted out soonish as well. 

So when you get this much done it's time to celebrate! That's why you'll have a girls cruise to Tallinna with Anne, Jenny and Noora and continue the next day to Johanna's birthday party like a boss. The night included double vodka drinks, dancing, some game room time till 6am (Anne fetched me 3-4ish when I already wore my night dress all prepared to sleep: "Hey Kiki.... No. KIKI NO! Put the party gear back on!"(And at the game room where I learned I will never be a good driver. Who drives to the wrong direction and spins around at the same time?!) A guy who thought I was somebody else (ex-girlfriend?! I still got the bruises on my arm from his assaulting behavior).

My short holiday break also included some good food, catching up with my family and cousin, cinema visit with Topi. (Sin City : A Dame to Kill For.  Brilliant movie! Sex, power, violence and blood stretched to the extreme.)

I also learned a great deal about myself. I can be such a queen diva bitch at times! I know you guys are aware of that by now... BUT I found myself reacting like an extra strong gunpowder would when in touch with fire. 

When did I become this easily triggered?!

Then it hit me: Lack of gym, situation back home, my shoulder, new beginning&starting over again, moving from one country to another... 

All of these things are stressful by themselves yet I'm having them all at once...? No wonder I become more emotional about the things that really matter to me!

There's only one solution.

GYM. I need my rush of endorphins from the gym and some  Zumba time!

Sorry for the lack of pictures. I still have one or two things to learn from my phone and it's functions But here's one of the songs by Kaija K crystallizing the theme of the weekend. 

Sorry guys in advance. Sometimes it's good to lift my chin up and see what's going in the world instead of bathing in my own worries of getting my shoulder fixed, forming life's plans and relocating.

Here's a result of my silent self-wondering thoughts: 

Today's the day Scotland is voting for it's independence.

Lets state the facts:
-Scotland being independent from the Early Middle Ages till late 1500s and  from 1603 England and Scotland shared the same monarch James VI of Scotland who was declared the King of England and Ireland during the union of crowns. .
-United kingdom was formed in the 1800.
The United Kingdom as we know it today without the Southern Ireland was formed 1922.
(If there is any inaccurate information here please forgive me. I'm only an ignorant immigrant in London)

The question here is what will happen if Scotland leaves the UK?... The press and media has been pretty interesting  with different point of views and today's Daily Mail had the most funniest threat: "Scotland cannot participate to the national lottery anymore nor Euromillion!".

Forming a working country and government is not only time consuming but costs a big deal of money as well. How about forming an army and the intelligence department?... From NHS to Scotland's own unit? Isn't there already separate areas and departments looking after these things for Scotland's region that can be easily transferred to "Independent Scotland"-ones?

I've spent some time reading the new, trying to understand the history behind all of this from there forming my point of view but I got to be honest here and say: I really don't have a clue what to say.

I was horrified how hostile people were against EU and blamed EU about all of the problems even thought UK was the first ones to be in EU in 1973 and has 29 council votes and 73 Euro Parliament seats (vs  Finland's 7/13) and surely has a big decision making role in EU. Does the british even know that?

And now United Kingdom is panicking when we all know that scottish, irish and immigrants have always been treated a bit like second class citizens with different regulations, rules and behavior towards them. (Sorry no reference for that but this is what I've been witnessing during my stay here AND this doesn't happen all the time's ok?!.. Some people still know how to use common sense).  

First of all I was angry that the media, news etc. didn't really mention Russian and Ukraine's situation (What I've been following using internet and the finnish news) that much but concentrated on a silly little matters like what the rich and famous are doing, how to prepare to the cold season and who insulted UK again? But than I saw the news about the vote for Scotland's independence. Than it hit me.

The English way of trying to lower down the possible panic, public awareness etc. is to be ignorant/keep people ignorant towards things that don't really matter that much is to make them seem like the smallest things in the world. Make a bull look like a fly. Clever boys!

What will happen if Scotland becomes independent? Will a wave of independence flush through the whole EU and for example in such a little country like Finland even the Åland islands wants to become independent? (No more learning forced finnish... and having better opportunities to study such a subjects like medicine in the swedish speaking cluster.. Heja Åland!) At least the Catalonia of Spain has these hopes up already.

Would these kind of things happening RIGH NOW be good for the future of Europe? Well Putin probably will be happy due to him getting a change to concentrate on his world ruling mission and everybody's attention away from Ukraine (like the propaganda of plans to take over Finland are...). The propaganda, spying etc. has completely transformed in the last century and for example I don't even want to know what small little details about me can be formed in a matters of seconds.

To put it all together I can't really is it good time for scotland to become independent nor what is actually really going on in the politics but  at these times, the citizens of Europe as the World as well, should concentrate of seeing behind the news to understand what is real and what's not so real and where we ought to concentrate and turn are eyes to see.  

I can assure you it wont be your belly buttons and using blinds will only make things worse.

Propaganda from Bushe's America during world war II

I now consider EU, England and London my home as much I consider Finland to be my home. It's a bit worrying some to see it slightly shattering apart and all confused.

WARNING
The following text may contain matter that is hard to handler for simple minded individuals and especially those who lack understanding of good old sarcasm.


I found  perfect video to describe the reason of my 24/7 on going pissed off mood.

1. If there's a frame repair and me and my male colleague in the front reception. Who will they ask first to help?... The male of course.

2. Why do I so often have to reveal how many a years I've been working in a optical profession to make them understand that I likely know exactly what I'm speaking about?

3. And why when I'm walking past a group of guys/ladies etc whistling, shouting after me and making those summoning noises developed for pets should be considered a compliment? (And if I have to list here what I was wearing I'm going to consider that as an insult...)

Worst to me is not media nor men but other women. We look down on women who dress up and look pretty as the media wants us to look like, sometimes behave questionable  and downgrade our "intellectuality" to appeal to men and when the woman is behaving against the mainstream expectations we think that she's not making enough effort. Yet speak about women's rights and how we should be treated equally.  Logical behavior?..

So life isn't really that easy.

I often get eyes rolled at me and asked "You're into shopping and small dogs?" and I have to prove myself that I'm actually an independent woman who has brains (sometimes working all fine and in some subjects not that well). Why?!

talking about my experiences and history: in the dating scenes it's even worse. Often I get treated cheaply as I would give to every guy that squeezes my bum, says I'm beautiful, buys me a drink and I'm a fucking frigid when I don't. (Women having a healthy sexual life are bitches vs. guys fucking around are studs) I also hear the comments: "You actually seem like a good person and have brains too". Why is it so surprising?  Doesn't people usually have brains and personality? Just because you look like a crazy ass material party young girl doesn't mean it's reality.

Then I end up proving myself 24/7 to the guy that I can actually change a light bulb, use computer, build a bookshelf, make a fire, calculate algebra, know something about the history, read the news...

And at that point I just get fed up.

At what point would the man prove to me that his loyal, understand the astrology, can cook, be gentle, speak about emotions, weep when watching sentimental movies, know how to change baby's diapers  etc?

Talking about clichés here...

In Finland it's even more complex: Men want that smart hot sexy ass beauty queen but you also got to wear wellies, be down to earth, have crazy "woman drama"-fits,  know how kill a bear and not be a princess.

When it has become such a "proving myself to be worth to know"-show?

Or am I making a fuzz out of nothing and understanding things completely irrationally here?!

When I'm searching for the significant other the first thing in my mind is not to try to prove that the clichés in the other person are right (Muscles= no brains, fat=lazy, Big feet=big dick, working class=trashy, public schools=idiot...) but I actually try to get to know him and see if he actually could be a man who I could see myself growing old with without becoming crazy, perhaps set up a family and who could challenge me and give that little push when I doubt myself as I would to him.

After all the beauty fades away as does our minds with every passing minute...

Just to inform you guys that I'm having a sort of a crisis.

That strange ritual of getting ride of your earthly belongings and cutting of your roots has started and I'm panicking here...

From this....

"Do I even know how to deal 24/7 with finnish people?"

"To whom shall I call and gossip 24/7?! It just isn't the same thing in finnish!"

"There' no-one to tackle at the finnish metro like here!"

"WHAT?! Everything actually works and I get from place A to B in time?!..."

"What will I do without that annoying english habit of not showing what you really mean/feel?" 

"But I need my boots/organic vegetables&fruit store/gym/hairdresser.. And my favorite coffee?!... No one knows how to make it but that girl at the chamomile!"

"And I just love taking the piss out of people here!"

to this. And still plenty to do.

The funny part is that now I'm getting pretty good offers from a career point of view BUT from here London. Why is it so that when you stop looking it all comes to you?!

(You never know fromwhere I'll find myself in a year's time....)

Meanwhile I'll go to Finland without any signs of a job nor a house for myself. Talking about living on a edge?...

On last friday I finally had a chance to get out, eat/drink well and jus have fun! The last time I had a weekend off not due to a holiday or surgery etc. was probably in April. Nice...

Night ended up being amazing filled with food, laughter and meeting new amazing people. What's not to love?

Yes... I ate 2 medium sized gluten-free pizzas and yes it was so delicious 

and points to Pizza hur for minimal cross contamination. I only had

minor symptoms and  could live with them. (still traumatized by Domino's last year)

I so will order pizza again!

I will miss my home street. Safe...posh...pretty...nice. Beautiful.


...............



Well... with the rent I pay now I can actually afford a 1 bedroom flat in Helsinki!

My perfect excuse for occasional stops in my morning run.
Pictures.

I'm proud to say that I finally started getting back to my workout routines. It'll take time to get back to the minimum of 3 times per week at the gym + 2-4morning runs but at least I'm on my way there. I just wish my shoulder wouldn't hurt so much when running... but what wouldn't be the best way to cut through that scar tissue and form some new quality tissue than extreme training? The body uses and forms what it needs so maybe in 3 years I'll be back in the game?

At times you just don't have time and I rather avoid that junkie than wash my laundry at late evenings. So there I was.. combined my short morning run with the laundry moment. How efficient is that?!

when a funny situation occured.

Those who really know me knows that I EAT. And I truly eat A LOT! 

So when I was checking the time I thought that man I really don't have time to eat any breakfast due to some shower time and blow drying my hair so what a smart girl like me does?... Cafe time while my laundry spins around inside the dryer and back at Chamomile while ordering my soya latte and gluten free almond orange cake my sweaty presence awakens a few smiles among my fellow coffee drinkers. 

The silent laughter started when the cafe employee forgot to give my take away cake and I stared at her demanding my cake with a firm tone in my voice:

"Cake?..."

The lady with her small boy smirked and laughed: "Yeah! That's the best part!" and winked eye at me. 

Then it hit me:

I must have looked absolutely hilarious there with my sporty outfit, all sweaty and ordering cake. (It was a healthy cake!)

Moment relaxing drinking mint chocolate and enjoying the candles.

So I'll prepare myself for the change by watching all the most funniest finnish comedy clips I can remember. 

And for a nice finish for this blog update about me. Here's something that really made my day and made me remember that small things matter:

Finally a day off after once again mentally stressful week. What could be better then to visit my library and fill my head with stories of courage, breaking free from the class system and cliche girl boy roles? Don't forget great amount of emotions and those passion filled looks nor magic! All you fantasy fans in front of your screens. If you haven't found Kate Elliott yet I highly recommend you to google her and especially the Spiritwalker series.  I absolutely love it!  (It may have some effect that before these disability, working+studying 24/7 included only medical literature...).  

I also practiced my other skill as well. Behold the Coconut-Vanilla & Rasberry -Rose cupcakes!
Gluten free and mostly used pure ingredients of course. What else would I use? Critics can say what ever they please but eating pure & organic works for me. Last time I had a man flu? (Forgetting my shoulder of course)? Errr... months ago? Skin, stomach, metabolism all good. Maybe placebo effect but for me all this works because 2-3 years ago I used be ill at least every other month.

Sports, gym, sports and more about sports! That's all that is rolling in my head most of the time. Unbelievable how snappy you become without routine workout. Thereby I here announce that I'll start my running and booty workout ASAP. I'm fed up of resting and relaxing. My arm will get used to all of this and shoulders/upper limp workouts start in 2-3 months. I've been in pain over 6 months now so what a bit more pain could do? Time to concentrate on me, myself and I!

Found a parcel company that will transport all my small earthy belonging to Finland in a pretty good price so I got a bit more to shop and invest to quality before broke ass student life. All exited about my new wardrobe items and my shortly arriving compression gym pants that should allow better blood flow while still keeping cool when hot and warm when cold. With my low blood pressure this actually means happy times and I wont pass out during HIIT. Praise the new technology! Work outs and training isn't as complicated as the public believes. You basically don't need anything but you know what works best for you and  what "aids" helps you in the end. Mine are my food and my pants... BOOM!



SOCIAL MEDIA BREAKDOWN

Btw started laughing again when thinking how people will react to me back in Finand. First of all: I've become accustomed to dress up when going out, doing the whole shebang to look great (including the hairdresser etc. Who knows it may even work for my benefit?..) but don't you worry guys. Deep down I'm still that Tomboy and will likely destroy half of my high heels/dresses after a night out when I get another of those fantastic ideas of walking back home through a forrest or fiercely look after my friends when their honor is questioned.

Never judge the book by it's cover.



THE CUPCAKE CHALLENGE 

Yesterday my spicy spanish colleague stopped me in the staircase to upstairs looking at me meaningfully and asked

"You got something to tell me?.."
"Oh Lay... you weren't in yesterday!"
"YEAH! I heard the news from someone else!"
"Hun hey... I was going to tell you asap"
"Today. 1 -2 drinks... ok?"

What else could I do but to follow her orders and the best part is that in the end there was a small group of people chatting about work and fuming the stress out. I sat over there smiling to myself and thinking how much I'm going to miss these guys. So many inside jokes, conversations about religion, boobs, food.. and fuming out the stress regarding men over a few cocktail pitchers.

After I decided to move back to Finland and finally made the official announcement to my work and the place I got the most amazing offer from the one of the amazing areas of London I felt immediate relief and slightly sad at the same time.

At least no more nasty words for my colleagues and friends or sleepless nights. I have slept these past couple of nights so well that even 6h has been enough!

To be honest there has been something drawing me back to Finland since last Easter like a mosquito  in the back of my mind whining next to your ear all night long when you try to sleep and I truly am one of those stubborn people who needs hardcore evidence to do such a big changes  like moving from country to another or starting yet again almost from a scratch. Last weeks news was that last drop to push me towards this decision.

What is done, is done. A few applications has already been sent, flight dates in mind, moving boxes ordered (and a quotation rumba for the parcel deliveries starts next week. Books... all them bloody books!) and a free furniture+stuff party for my mates organized!

But I have to be honest as well:

I'M F*** SCARED!

How am I supposed to adapt to the finnish culture again? I'm probably just going to end up annoying people with my London stuff like:

"From London you can get that..."
"In London..."
"About London...
"Actually London..."
"Btw London..."

Or when I hear how terribly criminalized Helsinki has become and Finland is such a bad BAD bad place to live: "Actually in London everyone knows someone who got her drink spiked, flashed by naughty men/women, robbed with a knife... you want me to carry on?!.." 

And my now slight english finnish expressions and the lost finnish words?! How about my now softer S?! And my please and thank you's? Saying honey, love, babe to your mates or customers etc. is definitely a no no in Finland!

I better make sure I got the chance to visit London at least a couple of times in a year. To get my hair done in my cheap hair salon, waxing the same thing and all my lotions etc... And my favorite cafe The Chamomile. How will I live without my cafe? My sanctuary where all the stress disappears when that music and that chic furniture + the amazing gluten free food fills my body, mind and soul?

In Finland I'll be greeted by silent movie like atmosphere, a strong angry stare from the cashier when I try to practice small talk, people that think I flirted and hinted a bit more by, again, practicing small talk and those strange queues in front of Starbucks, Burger King or weird 1€ bucket sales.

But also my friends (btw who really have been there when making this decition. I can't even put it in words how much this really means to me and how much with a few kind words you guys have helped me) family, familiar places and the nature will be there for me.

THE COUNTDOWN HAS BEGUN


BTW: Made amazing deals again.
Behold! All this rounded up only £40! And these are new or barely worn. Also bought some spare parts like new back glass (Purple!) for my iphone and it works like a dream.

Poor people can't afford bad quality so I'm glad I found Ebay.

More shoes! I know...couldn't help myself but don't really
have shoes to wear with blue or purple and black wedge
sneakers to keep low profile.

Who wouldn't need jeans which are soft nice quality?

3/4 sleeve shirt