"Dear God,

How has things been? Thanks for all the awesome work you have done so far even thought your ways are a bit mysterious to me at times. Sorry for me being so quiet lately but you know me! Woman like a goldfish! Once started something and gone around the bowl... WOW! What is that?! ...Forgetting it and starting up again!  Tonight I have a lot in my mind and I'm sorry to ask so many things from you but honestly I'm not sure if my daddy can handle all these things:

First of all I hope those men sitting legs wide apart in the tube taking 2-3 seats will someday find a cure to their condition because it must be really painful (honestly I don't even want to know..) because they're sitting like that.

And could you please change the plaster jar some girls have on their dressing tables to a decent foundation? We have to also remember those poor girls who didn't apparently have anything else under their winter coats then a few too small pieces of fabric left and apparently have only carrots to eat due to them being so orange. 

I suggest that GP's would have customer service as a compulsory module in their studies. In my 2min appointments I would really appreciate at least 15s of eye contact and can you somehow also pop a news flash to people that unfortunately not all of those working in customer service have a degree in counseling. I'm sure they still try to do their best in this matter too. 

With the knowledge that you have so kindly blessed me with I also hope that during tonight a miracle is performed and all those weak gluteus muscles and stiff talocrular joints will get a boost and tomorrow the tube staircases wont be so crowded and you can actually get from place A to B in time and those taller people who think my head is a sort of a book/magazine support in the train/tube would get their eyes checked because there must be something wrong with their vision and the health of my fellow people is always my concern. Same applies to those who for some reason have mixed huge laptop and a small tabled with each other because in the rush hours the laptop is a bit too common sight.  It would also help greatly to cut those invisible chains between those wonderful and apparently very close groups of 3 to 10 friends who have decided to walk together like army front line through buzzziiiing streets of London. 

I just wondered about asking a few favors for me and my friends. Like you know I'm still studying and I noticed that it would be really practical to have eyes on my neck, back and ass to monitor the treatment room, couch, the patient and my own posture all at the same time!  I think that my classmates 100% agrees with me. 

We can't forget that poor boy who receiving my message nearly a month ago got so excited that fainted and most likely fell into coma because I haven't heard anything from him since.

Saint Paddys day is this sunday and me and some friends are going out! Btw that would be a perfect day to some how drop the man of my life in front of me.  As long as he is not wearing sexy leprechaun outfit and is capable of conversation I'm happy!   (BUT it would be really nice if he's tall, strong, handsome, smart, has a good sense of humor, great singer/dancer, billionaire, good cook, loves pets and unicorns, is a lawyer, doctor and a police/army man/fireman (any uniform is a plus), speaks 6 languages, has a mansion next to my university, underwear model, olympic swimmer, has title as an aristocrat as well as in boxing, loves traveling, is romantic, loves shopping.... )   

Thanks God you're a superstar!"

Have anybody else noticed the sickness of the "straight commercial" advertisement you get according with your social network status?

Every time I sign into Facebook  I get advertisement from many companies. Promoting such things like  shoes and clothes on sale. Maybe new workout routines and or fitness products but mostly of speed dating, fit hot singles - sides, info about amazing "diet programmers" that definitely will make me look like Riri. (Talking about reminding me of apparently being a desperate single...)

Now it seems that even companies like this have given up their hopes about me because what now a days flashes on my screen are adverts such like The World of Warcraft (why?...) , russian business meeting (even the Facebook thinks that I'm russian!) and health info "splashes" like Crohn's disease advising.  So instead of being a media sexy single I'm a russian WOW-geek who has 0 social life and  constipation?!

I'm not sure how to take this but...

And then I get emails about amazing holiday villas I should be booking now to get the best deals! So the other company thinks I'm a well earning city single? WTF?!

The truth is that on dating markets the university students may not be the most wanted ones with their empty pockets. In Finland students in their own way had the kind of hotness in them but in here as soon as I tell that I'm a student sudden desert surrounds me.

It's actually pretty hilarious when I hear people comparing cars, incomes, investments, properties, designer hand backs etc. like peacocks trying to impress all the near by females with their amazing tail feathers.

I've been trying to think something to say and use in those kind of situations but it all sounds a bit hilarious to me:

"Hey babe... I just loaded my Oysters travel card for the following week so we can have a ride around London. Just to be precise only zones 1 and 2. And just to add you actually have to pay your own travel..."

"WHAT? Who needs a cosmetologist?!" *laughter* "Where I come from we do everything (absolutely everything. Yeas Anne even the Repäisy..) all by ourselves!" (which reminded me of this fabulous blog and similar experiences. Thought I'm getting all the time more efficient with it!)

"This pair of shoes I found in a charity shop, my hand back is borrowed from my flatmate and actually these tights have 3 huge wholes but I just sneakily pulled them a bit higher so you can't really see them under my dress!"

"My fridge and pockets are actually so empty that no-one can beat my symptoms of malabsorption -list!"

Would it help if I with my small voice and broken shoes would add that in a couple of years I shall graduate and I have a huge potential as an experienced optical assistant AND osteopath? Only those with the will to "invest" and "take the risk" would be left to choose from?

Oh how I feel so wanted!

Why on earth people seem to think that material selling points are the main things when it comes to dating? Has anybody actually ever considered having a decent conversation with their significant other? I think that as a absolute plus if I can actually speak with the person I may marry and maybe even spend some time inside four walls without those awkward silent moments...

BTW flight tickets to Helsinki Finland: CHECK!

I'll be there in no time from the 18th of April till the 25th of April.

My calendar is quite empty around those dates so pls loved ones in Finland contact me ASAP so we can arrange something because I have roughly only a week to catch up with you before my return to London!

And by the way: 21st of April I become even more mature and wise. Year of the sweet 26 ahead so lets have a nice party shall we? (And back in London a catch up party later in the same month?)

I shall now return back to my dry coughing and revising of  biochem, nutrition, naturopathy, anatomy etc. (A.K.A. in no time getting distracted by Facebook and the TV show Revenge)

Dreams have been haunting me lately.

For some reason I have woken up on monday mornings around 4.30 feeling anxious or completely dissatisfied. (Err...Because it's monday?) But this monday I woke up again at the same time my heart beating almost out of my chest and feeling so angry that I almost hit the wall due to frustration. I'm not an aggressive person and I rarely get angry to anyone because I simply don't take things personally. I may be a bit fiery for a moment that's it. That is why I still keep wondering what dreams I saw that night...

This morning was something completely different and when I woke up I ran straight to my flatmates room to get a hug. I remember dreaming about wondering around in this strange facility when suddenly I felt lumps around my groin (lymph nodes) area. They got bigger and painful to touch and then I had to lift my pyjama to take a look and saw my skin covered with circular ekseema. Then my palms started burning. (At this point I cried others to call the ambulance with an accent I'm not familiar with.) I took a look at them and similar rash right over there. Worst part was I felt the pain in my back and as the pyjama was lifted for that area to be seen I realized that it wasn't me with that pain but an elderly person in hospital tunic. The skin on that persons back was mostly necrotised/ peeled away revealing the underlying fat and muscles. While that picture burned in to my memory I suddenly woke up with the pain and terror. (my medical mind remembering vividly the symptoms of sepsis, toxic shock syndrome, necrotising fasciitis etc.)

When I was younger I learned that there were the bad people and the good people. Goodies always won the war and were beautiful, wise, generous and more awesome in every way than the baddies.

As I grew older and sticked my head into the world of books (where it hasn't left ever since) and eventually found my way to the internet I learned that the position of good vs. bad isn't always that black and white. A few lectures and teacher probably have been cursing me and my questions about things that should be taken full granted and understood the way they are written. In the confirmation camp I got all excited about religion and the christian community I belonged to until the training to become one of the younger confirmation tutors when I was told to speak only about the matters from the Holy book itself and not to raise the philosophical thoughts of Socrates, Platon, folklore etc.  which to my point of view would have been relevant considering that confirmation camps should give the teenagers a.k.a young adults tools to understand the world, prepare themselves for the world and responsibilities of an adult and give the possibility of founding a strong believe and firm place in the christian community if they so decide. We all are free to do soul searching by reading the thoughts of great minds, important religious books, literacy and to find our place and the life philosophy to adapt to.  Right?

Apparently things are not simple.

I just learned that as a christian I wouldn't be welcomed to receive the Holy Communion in a Catholic Church due to the fact that I'm a Lutheran and not a Roman Catholic. So if I want to receive the Holy Communion I have to travel all the way to a Lutheran Church?! At the same time the Hindu Temple and Buddhist temples would welcome me gladly to learn about their ways without trying to convert me in to anything I free willingly don't want to. A bit strange to me I must say...

Roughly ten years ago I had the change to join a pilgrimage to Taizé Community in France. Everybody was welcome no matter from what background you're from and could receive the Holy Communion if wanted. All us christians and others under the same roof learning about great gift of life, how to respect each other and ourself.

I do understand the needs of all the norms and rules that communities have developed but some of them do make me questions the ideas of them. I know that I'm actually talking about a sensitive area here and many a people may strongly disagree with me.

I'm not challenging religions with my statements but maybe questioning the adapting of religion into politics and our actions. Is it always a benefit of the society in he modern multicultural world we are living in?

This may not be the best example but starting from the basics: for example movie Made in Dagenham dramatizes the sewing machinists strike in the 1968 that aimed for equal pay for women. It aroused cultural and social storm and is one great example of the awakening of women's rights. Why on earth women should receive the same payment as men? God created the man first from the mans rib and woman was second to serve the man right?!

Were these norms based on the religious cultural thinking or is it just a coincidence?..

What I have read from the holy book everyone has it's place. In the old testament the world was ruled by the men and therefore the text form is based on the male thinking right? And if we skip the awkward bit of taking concubines and stealing others daughters, butchering people  etc. Still without a doubt woman has her own place in the society and a good wife who did good job was praised. Song of the songs is my favorite part of the bible. The love and commitment between two people!

I also haven't fully understood wars where both of the sides think is justified by the god. Are all the rules created by the religion or our own human minds lusting after power and being terrified by a change in order? Do we justify all of our actions with religion even thought the religious ideas may not completely be there to justify these actions? How about the hypocritical behavior of making more money on other peoples expenses not sharing your good fortune with anyone and going to the church on sundays to pray love towards thy neighbor? How about looking for that perfect woman to be your wife who's a virgin/untouched/pure and loyal while you have fucked half of the city by the age of 25 and keep on doing that while you're married? Or the neighbor woman who definitely makes sure that if any rule is broken she will be the one pointing her finger at them while she herself has broken the rules more than once "but that's not the same thing because I've done so much good I have the privilege to..."  Yeah right. And after all of this these people think where did all the karma come back to them?

As a reasonable people we should be able to live in a multicultural society without much a difficulties and respect each other and cultures without the pain, suffering and fear caused by violence, raping, "holy" wars and insulting acts towards our fellow humans.

These are just a few things that keep me thinking and wondering. That's why occasionally I rather say that I'm a spiritual person than a religious one. Just because of the negative aspects I have seen the religion put together with.

I decided to dedicate todays writing for all the single girls (and guys) out there! As a girl who usually never stayed single for long since the oh so sweet age of sixteen, the girl who have been engaged and  being single for over three years  I have a lot interesting stuff to share that I think many a people may find for some awkward reason fascinating.

Some people in a relationships may sometime think that single life is fascinating and full of excitement. Media forces us to believe so too. Shameless flirting, nightly parties, good looking people and no worries at all. The world is your oyster and you're free to do what ever you desire!

Unfortunately the life of a single isn't always that media sexy as they make us believe.

SINGLE GIRLS LIFE IN A BOX

1. Forgetting to shave/wax/ tidy your eyebrows/remove the chocolate stain from your cheek when going out, cleaning the flat/room for "surprise" visitors etc. 
You know how many times the previous things have happened to me when the dream guy decides to pop into my life...... and he just passes you without a second look and continues his life.

2. Eating food with hands and other strange ways like slurping the soup or first joggling with the meatballs before you catch them with your mouth open and the million dollar grin after a successful "goal"...Yep Forgetting the common polite manners.
After all the habits you have adapted to you get invited to a classic date in a fine 5 star restaurant and you stare at the table and all those "tools" with a terror and try to find the closest exit...

3.  Forgetting how to impress a man

Instead of being the fragile sweet girl, looking at the guy with a worshiping gaze in you eyes and complimenting him to be the strongest man in the world when he carries my handbag and the groceries I now a days tend to challenge the guy to a wrestle match or  test the size of the bicep and if the guy fails my test I look at the guy down my nose and say "is that all you can do?"... Thank god I haven't been in the army! God knows what I would be like after that. I already have the queen-attitude. (I must admit that in a past few years I have learned to disguise this feature in me simply by keeping my mouth shut and smiling...)

4.  Meeting the men that daddy always warned about.
Been there, done that, seen all!

5. Being the woman mothers warn their sons about.
Do I even have to explain this one?..

6. The mystical "Don't answer" - numbers on the phone.
The most exciting moment is to see the "don't answer" number flashing on the phone screen and the rough memory of some guy. First thinking why on earth you put his number in the "don't answer" listing, second though and reality flash: THERE IS ALWAYS A GOOD REASON FOR THAT.
The most awkward thing of these numbers is when they keep on flashing 2 months after the likely day you gave your number forward and you haven't answered at any point to these calls... You just stare at the screen and think: Why?!

7. When meeting one of your "fine" ex-dates the panic of finding the closest exit to avoid awkward talking situations.
These moments usually happen when you're on a sunday walk with your mum/dad niece etc.

As you can see not always so nice and comfortable. The worst is that  at some point you actually develop a relationship phobia and fly from flower to flower or run around the world avoiding all those lassoing attempts. Then when family nor friends just can't be there fore you realize that you're all alone hugging your colorful cuddly owl all by your self when in a relationship you could actually make a phone call and BOOM have somebody there for you.

(Interestingly some men do believe that they can run wild and free and have the relationship support/love/understanding/massage&kissing" when they feel like it. This hasn't happened to me one or two times and it never stops amusing me. Boys there's only one answer for that: *mean wicked laughter ..and deleting numbers*)


The truth about those hard-core-party nights:  In Finland we have a saying that woman is the wolf to another woman. And it literally means that. The moment when you step in to a club with your girlfriends the situation is simply described with Coolio- Gangsters paradise. Who has the volumized hair? Highest heels? Sharpest nails? Tightest dress? Biggest boobs?.. It doesn't help at all if you're not in that mood but jump all over the place with your naive blue eyes hugging everybody and thinking how nice everybody is an keep on dancing using the 80's robot movements. Not at all... Man it's a war out there!

No matter what you do you will always be too pretty, too ugly, too sexy, too stupid, too blond, too short, too funny, too smart, too loud, too quiet, too sober, too drunk, too happy, too smiley, too blue etc...

You just can't please everyone can you?

I actually love proper nights out and the shoe-hair-make up-dress panic (like my poor flat mate so well knows "This or this?... Or what do you think about this?..") and the time you prepare and pamper yourself before leaving the flat. An exemption among all the routine days! You eventually probably again dance so much that you sweat the make up of, brake a heel and look like a troll in the end of the night.

So don't take yourself too seriously. Much more fun and you may end up gathering fantastic memories on the way.

 End of story.

Every now and then the little green monster lifts it's head inside me brings out the strangest reactions to the most normal situations and during those moments rational thinking is the least of my actions.  I'm too embarrassed to give you the detailed list of my latest actions but let me enlighten you with a few words..

1. A conversation around dirty peanut buttery knife on a clean kitchen counter almost brought me to the point of breaking down to tears and nasty words.

2. A bimbo on her underwear and a blackberry in her hands sitting in my gym's sauna almost had a taste of the finnish fury and a bucket full of water on the hot stones.

3. A one day change in my all-ready-planned-schedule made me shout to the walls for half an hour.

And that's not all. I again sleep 10h-14h per day! But hey all I can do is to live in a hope that this will surely pass just like other nasty, bad and mean things that mom didn't tell about when you were a little girl. Right?

My days aren't all that bad. Plenty of stuff to laugh about: I have learned the right english way to be polite with sarcasm. Sorry, sorry... excuse me When moving through crowded areas actually means: Get the f**k out of my way!

You can always state that some food or treat is definitely a food orgasm but the ultimate statements about food is "Hey have you looked at this?... Orgasm by death!"

Ise is impossible with her passion towards some sports like F1. She screams like the most hyper fan! But who am I to judge her? I got all emotional while watching Cinderella man. Not only because Russel Crow is one of the most fittest men in the world (with Daniel Gred, Bruce Willis and..) That movie wasn't even live boxing! All of us have our little (and not so little) Achille's heels.

I had an interesting conversation about failure a couple weeks ago and of course my brains never did stop from thinking about it.(on and on 24/7) Here's the result:

Some people are so scared of failing that they restrict themselves of experiencing great new things that sometimes can be so called "once in a life time" experiences. I don't believe in failing. The way how I was brought up and trained never did give possibilities for failing. Failing is an utopia that can't simply happen. Of course you get setbacks and you may not make it at the first time but those things only teach you to be stronger, wiser and may give you even more better possibilities and open more doors for you that you never dreamed to be possible. It's all about how you take the sudden falls. Are you just going lay down on fire or get back up and make it to a proper fight or be the coward in the corner who's too scared to even try and take the risk? Basically are you going to let your "position" state your value or the opposite: Will you bring the value to your position? I may have scrubbed the floors and filled the shelves in my past but damn I was good in it! I rather have a few scars to show that I actually have lived than to be all "shine and new" my whole life without having a clue what life's about. 

Just like Mohammed Ali put it: 

"Inside of a ring or out, ain't nothing wrong with going down. It's staying down that's wrong."

That's why pushing a friend in a shopping cart on the cruise boat's hallway or dancefloor, drinking 5 jäger bombs in a rown then singing karaoke, sticking your hand in ants nest, running with bare feet from sauna ti icy lake in a winter and dancing on a table almost braking your ankle are all brilliant ideas! 

WELCOME TO MY COOKING CORNER:
I have become more confident with my cooking and baking skills and not a week passes without me baking/cooking for a small troupe! Brownies, cornbread, cookies, king prawn & chorizo risotto, salmon with some roasted potatoes, pasta bolognese, lentil soup, beef stake and chips... You name it and I make it!

Couple a weeks ago we wen't to a pub on the west edge of London to witness our university colleagues band's live show.  A proper english pub with wide collection of different aged people all in harmony enjoying the night with a drink or two and some dancing. A got the honor to be asked to dance with a already silvery gentleman with the grooviest moves and amazing smile.  At some point we threw our high heels away and danced on the thick whole floor carpet on our socks so that the next day at work was definitely made interesting with all that muscle ache. 

Last evening after the late shift I found myself among my work colleagues enjoying a delicious meal and  raising a pint for Aneta who's moving on to new challenges (just like I shall do in very near future in another store with a more convenient commuting time!) 

At the moment the down side is actually trying to get to home from all these things and happening because I happen to live at the wrong side of the river thames. I seriously have to reconsider the location of my home base...