Yesterday my spicy spanish colleague stopped me in the staircase to upstairs looking at me meaningfully and asked

"You got something to tell me?.."
"Oh Lay... you weren't in yesterday!"
"YEAH! I heard the news from someone else!"
"Hun hey... I was going to tell you asap"
"Today. 1 -2 drinks... ok?"

What else could I do but to follow her orders and the best part is that in the end there was a small group of people chatting about work and fuming the stress out. I sat over there smiling to myself and thinking how much I'm going to miss these guys. So many inside jokes, conversations about religion, boobs, food.. and fuming out the stress regarding men over a few cocktail pitchers.

After I decided to move back to Finland and finally made the official announcement to my work and the place I got the most amazing offer from the one of the amazing areas of London I felt immediate relief and slightly sad at the same time.

At least no more nasty words for my colleagues and friends or sleepless nights. I have slept these past couple of nights so well that even 6h has been enough!

To be honest there has been something drawing me back to Finland since last Easter like a mosquito  in the back of my mind whining next to your ear all night long when you try to sleep and I truly am one of those stubborn people who needs hardcore evidence to do such a big changes  like moving from country to another or starting yet again almost from a scratch. Last weeks news was that last drop to push me towards this decision.

What is done, is done. A few applications has already been sent, flight dates in mind, moving boxes ordered (and a quotation rumba for the parcel deliveries starts next week. Books... all them bloody books!) and a free furniture+stuff party for my mates organized!

But I have to be honest as well:

I'M F*** SCARED!

How am I supposed to adapt to the finnish culture again? I'm probably just going to end up annoying people with my London stuff like:

"From London you can get that..."
"In London..."
"About London...
"Actually London..."
"Btw London..."

Or when I hear how terribly criminalized Helsinki has become and Finland is such a bad BAD bad place to live: "Actually in London everyone knows someone who got her drink spiked, flashed by naughty men/women, robbed with a knife... you want me to carry on?!.." 

And my now slight english finnish expressions and the lost finnish words?! How about my now softer S?! And my please and thank you's? Saying honey, love, babe to your mates or customers etc. is definitely a no no in Finland!

I better make sure I got the chance to visit London at least a couple of times in a year. To get my hair done in my cheap hair salon, waxing the same thing and all my lotions etc... And my favorite cafe The Chamomile. How will I live without my cafe? My sanctuary where all the stress disappears when that music and that chic furniture + the amazing gluten free food fills my body, mind and soul?

In Finland I'll be greeted by silent movie like atmosphere, a strong angry stare from the cashier when I try to practice small talk, people that think I flirted and hinted a bit more by, again, practicing small talk and those strange queues in front of Starbucks, Burger King or weird 1€ bucket sales.

But also my friends (btw who really have been there when making this decition. I can't even put it in words how much this really means to me and how much with a few kind words you guys have helped me) family, familiar places and the nature will be there for me.

THE COUNTDOWN HAS BEGUN


BTW: Made amazing deals again.
Behold! All this rounded up only £40! And these are new or barely worn. Also bought some spare parts like new back glass (Purple!) for my iphone and it works like a dream.

Poor people can't afford bad quality so I'm glad I found Ebay.

More shoes! I know...couldn't help myself but don't really
have shoes to wear with blue or purple and black wedge
sneakers to keep low profile.

Who wouldn't need jeans which are soft nice quality?

3/4 sleeve shirt

Hello there girls and boys! "Long time, no see, no ABC." (Finnish inside Pasila Joke)

Getting used to work has been ever so hard and I just learned how hard even standing upright all day can be. Exhausted of standing I've fallen asleep so many a times already without a second thought. And the migraines due to my shoulder and rehab for it?... Man! Don't let me even get started!

Not a too many after work drinks or dinners lately. Just being tired of being tired but last sunday I had the chance to catch up with my finnish friend and next week will be the girls night out.


At least I had a chance to see the real English market live and the loud sales people offering stuff in quoter of the retail price. (Just what I'm after!) Lovely tea time and shopping with Jaqs.

Typical Jaqs... 

Autumn has arrived and the sometimes crazy gone rain appears out of nowhere.

This is what you get from the markets: Huge  delicious good quality steak and
not as expensive as you might think.

 

Lush Bath ballistic+ mud mask. What can be a better combination?

Catching up time! Don't you dare to forget that Rose wine!... 2 glasses was
enough in this lack of alcohol period. 

Finally they realized to combine bunnies with men in the advertising business!

Breakfast at the Camomille cafe near my launderette was as fab as usual and I got even goosebumps not due to coldness but due to the full hedonistic experience: Music, atmosphere, food, warmth...  All that stress slowly (Finally!) releasing it's hold.

Food has played a significant role in my life as has ebay. I have a new faster iPhone 4s (Compared to Sam Ian just works better for me...) Guess purse, new shoes... So many good bargains to cover the fact that I could never afford these luxuries in a brand new price. Praise the 2nd hand and B quality!

For more relaxed look: wedge sneakers

Anne i finally got a new purse to replace that yellow... 3 years old broken one.

A lot has changed since my last update.

Good news and challenges ahead in the career field but also a drastic decision making:

The thing happened that I didn't see coming. A shadow has fallen on my family and health is on question.

So therefore these last days I've been thinking family or career, family or career, family or career... and hardly slept through a night. (Sorry for bombarding some of you through Facebook or whatsapp or calling 24/7.)

And I made my decision.

You can always travel around the word and move from a country to another. It's not as complicated as we think. The only factor that slows us down is the believe in ourselves. Having no funds is also an excuse. I didn't have much when I moved here and still I don't have that much but us men don't really need that much to survive. It's all about how far from your comfort zone you're willing to go and how hard you're willing to work.

They say that the home is where the heart is and my heart is at the moment in Finland and London. One thing that keeps popping into my mind are the people who really know you and who always will be there for you. Unfortunately sometimes that previously mentioned  "always" is limited or at risk.

This is what I learned and this is the reason for my decision.

That's why I chose home.

I'm moving back to Finland in a couple of months.

Here's a new song Beibi from Haloo Helsinki! that so much reminds me of Finland at the moment and has that finnish rock emotion from my earlier years:

When it's pouring cats and dogs there's no other options but to stay inside. It's absolutely normal to sleep, eat chocolate and watch movies 24/7. Or not but that's exactly what I've been lately up to. Mentally preparing myself to the hectic work routine when having a private moment at the loo is considered a blessing! 

I recommend to watch the movie Her directed by Spike Jonze. Not only did I continue my truly emotional movie cry marathon but also laughed and started to believe that humankind can actually make movies without the classical cliché positioning, roles and explosions.  Peter Bradshaw is one of a kind critic and  his review about the movie in The Guardian resembled Ruy Spaeth review at theweek.com. (Funnily enough Bradshaw made his similarish to Spaeths review a few weeks later... Just saying!). Both are annoyed about the cheesiness of the story that somehow reaches eccentric levels and OMG they hate the high pants, glasses and mustaches. Both also seemed to find this movie a bit too much "I want to be something"-kind with it's bohemian hipsterish style. To be honest I think that both of these guys have been surrounded by a lads-culture  and haven't really had a deep meaningful relationship. No... knowing few sophisticated words and mingling around with everyone-repeats-like-parrots clichés doesn't make you a genius. That makes you a parrot. So lets keep things simple.  I DISAGREE. I can't get enough of these movies that are cheesy and sentimental but also wakes up conversation about the roles between genders. About the scene and outfits? C'MON! It's simple: When a guys speaks about emotions and being vulnerable it wouldn't be cool look like Vin Diesel and kick ass at the same time. Not socially acceptable in this century! (would be ok for me buuut....) You have to be the geeky, wear those ugly pants, glasses and have that creepy mustache otherwise the audience simply wouldn't look at the movie for a second. 

For me HER was movie that investigates relationships, loneliness, their meaning, the growth as a human being and how we get these ideas how someone should be or the environment tells how things should go without actually realizing that the other person grows, the negativities may turn to positivities and yes it's absolutely possible to grow apart but why not to grow deeper into each other as well? The thing is to let yourself and the other/s grow and evolve. I rather have more of these movies than another action blood filled movie. Actually I have to take that back... I don't mind those testosterone filled clips as long as a greek god bodied-like Bruce Willis, Hugh Jackman, Jason Statham, Daniel Greg etc. are in the lead role! There's a limit to the pool of my tears and sentimentality as well. 

I'm considering of getting a dog. I'm pretty sure it's my hormones kicking in or I'm just getting fed up speaking to the walls... First I may have to consider my accommodation to be more dog friendly. That more likely includes me relocating to greener lands.

Here's a few clips that just melted my heart: 

My shoulder surely hurts like hell but today I managed to lift my arm above 90 degrees. Not entirely anterior nor lateral flexion but still I got so exited about it. I have hope! Hope that my arm will one of these days work again. May not be shiny'n new but if it works 90% efficiently without pain I'm one extremely happy girl!

BTW Go and check this out: The oxford boys really know how to move.

KIKI THE OWL

The too often happening misunderstanding

Dad's never change

The modern day troubles

Home sweet home

If I don't scare the possible suitor away, I can always trust my family to do so!

The best medicine can be found from your bed 

Last days in Finland I spent relaxing doing the things I missed of doing. Sorry guys to whom I didn't meet make time to catch up this time. I'll promise I'll be there again this year.

As I previously mentioned Suomenlinna is one of the places I adore. So after two year I finally made it with my big sister Mia.

Legendary gossiping with my amazing big sister

Some serious posing...

Not!

Holiday's about having that 1 ice cream everyday

These caves and tunnels I know like the back of my hand

Rocky "beach" I've been brought up with

The beauty of the nature is breathtaking.  Not as bold nor huge but it's all about 

the small details without shouting out loud. 

I was lucky to catch up with my big brother. He warned me that he maybe traveling around Finland with Mirja and the dogs but he got back in time. 

So what else can you do but an old school barbecue? 

The big personalities: Malla, Minttu and the newest arrival Sella. Amanda's missing from
the picture. When the whole lot greeted me at the door I almost got swiped off from my feet.  

I spent the last day in Finland with Topi first having the legendary crepes with whipped cream and strawberry jam for the breakfast (there were some watermelon and grape fruit too just for the vitamins) but the rest of the day's mission as "the white whales have landed" at the Kumpula outdoor swimming area was the icing on the cake. Something to do before all the stress would come crashing down on me back in London. There are so many things to think about and to do. Rehab, getting back to routines, adapting to work with the new protocol and thinking about the future. 

BTW I also learned that I'm not allergic to wasps. While sun bathing I felt a small sting and actually thought that the red ant had found my arm extremely delicious but later on found a dazzled wasp on my blanket... (Topi killed it when I in a girly way stepped aside and cried.) My pain tolerance is apparently a bit fucked up. Or the pain medication I take for the night is more effective than I thought. 

The flight back to London wasn't as exciting as usual and I would have rather stayed basking in the sun and eating some pancakes but noooo... Kiki no! It's rehab time!

And yes I decided to act like slightly more upper classy snob and take a cab instead of the tube and I did order everything to home. I mean everything. And actually I'm glad I did. Not sure is it the cultural shock, water, painkillers or what but my new rehab-recovery-anti-inflammatory lifestyle just got a kind of a fasting boost. It seems that your body always knows what's best for you.

But I'm glad I took the cab. All that chocolate I brought with me weighted like tons and the best part about the service in the cabs is that somebody always lifts the bags in the vehicle and off from it. You can only imagine how good it felt to sleep on my orthopedic mattress again. There's always something special about your own nest

Apparently I chose wisely. Even thought I've been pretty active, exercised and tested the limits of my shoulder my dashing physiotherapist got concerned about the weakness and recommended me still to rest. You learn to know the look therapists have when they think that there's more into this and not all have been written down... So I got list of exercises to do with highlighted instruction to do them in my pain limits. And those who know me understand how difficult that can be. That still didn't stop me doing the old fashion "I'll be just fine!"-move and crashing on the floor pain darkening my mind for a few minutes.


Once an old school athlete, always a old school athlete: "Pain...what pain? The workout just makes me emotional! " Even if I may not look like it at the moment. I can guarantee you that if this doesn't teach me to listen to my body a bit more nothing does and at least I'll be a bit more fitter level again. But not too much due to me loving my curves!

I tried to have a last taste of sinful pizza
but my gut just said no and continued
stubbornly water&juice fasting.

Another batch of organic vegetables&fruits

So it seems I got another week to recover and do "nothing" that means a lot of KIKI the owl scripts, drawing, reading and trials of exercising that'll end up me feeling a starting migraine. It would be much more easier to have a normal pain tolerance. 

We'll see how much of chocolate I got left after this week...

Here's a good song for the days to come!

Relaxing, sun, food, relaxing, feeling the sand between my toes, relaxing, the smell of grass, morning fog and completely stress free empty state of mind.

What's not to love?

So what have I been doing lately? Not much but still pretty much... 

1. Catching up with mates: 

-Saw the amazing flat that Satu owns now with very own small garden and sauna (I so envy you!) and enjoyed "puppy" love served by dashing lady Säde.

Afternoon walk with the ever so approaching thunder storm.

Remember not to stick your head everywhere: You may get some poop all over your face!

Two old trees grown togetrher

Some garden time!

- Yelena and deep conversations about life over a lunch in central Helsinki. Traveling and living abroad changes how you look at the things around you and the whole idea about you in the society. These kind of experiences not only teach you about different cultures and widens up your personal horizon but also makes you question so many things about yourself which you previously took for granted.   

-And the girls night with Johanna, Janina and Anne? Oh my god you girls are amazing! Yet again we had a fantastic night filled with laughter, music and deep (and not so deep) conversations and met some interesting people as usual. 

2. Day cruise to beautiful Tallinn, Estonia with Anne, Noora, and Niina  (highlighted by the amazing beach that Piritta had to offer!). Let the pictures speak more! 

The old Tallin

My alcohol free smoothie cocktail

with urban twist (TOMATO?!) 

@ Butterfly TALLIN 

Quill with green vegetables and cheese sauce. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!

Leb restaurant in Tallin. 

3. A short road/camping trip with Saara and Milja limited by my shoulder (the amount of pillows and blankets to make the trip comfortable!) which got amazing morning highlight when we got woken up by the local authorities and told that the place we chose isn't actually a camping area (even thought we searched the whole near by area and a local man pointed that spot out but well..) They still were absolutely understanding and laughing a bit to us. (Or was it me and my morning look? Sleeping between my friends and rolling around all night long spiced up with pain killers results amazingly sexy bomb shell look? NOT!).  

But all of this was worth the strange morning: Road trip, conversations, simple pleasures, barbecuing, the sea, Porvoo sight seeing, spending time with amazing friends etc. 

Just outside Helsinki it starts to look like this!

Milja enjoying the shadows too and looking out for those bears that Porvoo is filled with according to her!

Saara always creating music (this time didn't really sing that much. Usually
I return home with a raspy voice after a day/night with her!)

 4. As a surprise I actually got a bit spoiled. Not just empty words but actions and a dinner cooked by man who first promised only banana pancakes with some strawberries. Instead of the pancakes I got a delicious meal: Salmon, fried vegetables and rice. Finale dessert some strawberries, a movie (The Scent of a Woman) and some time together.

I'm pretty sure that he pretends that he really didn't have any idea what he was doing or he didn't plan any of these moves... And I don't mind at all. Perfect evening! That's all this girl needs.

(I'm still going to demand those banana pancakes..  HA!)

5. Spending time with my family:  My amazing nephews joined me and my parents for a morning swim visit at the near by Kumpula outdoor pools (I preferred the sunbathing, looking after our belongings and making sure the boys drank enough water and would try their limits and some tricks while jumping from 1m and 3m. )

From there taking them boys back to my sister and enjoying their amazing house, barbecuing and the sun. Have to say that at my sister's I always feel cosy and like home. (And I just find out that their garage has been transformed to a private studio/party house where I could nest when needed....). My nephews playing football, niece relaxing and reading in her room and the youngest 4 year old running around naked (enjoying the freedom) giggling and explaining to himself and us the conclusions he has made while playing with his cars (Just love that long R that he pronounces in a french way!).

As you can see returning to London won't be as easy as before and there are many things in Finland that will make me question the length of my stay in London. (Like my motivation to somehow gain the ownership of my sisters absolutely stunning house and the banana pancakes!)

Tomorrow Suomenlinna, meeting my big sister Mia and my grandma.  Still lots of things to do before leaving!

And good news guys: It seems that my shoulder is recovering. Slowly, but still some recovery can be seen! (That can be confirmed by my father who has been pleased to see me more calm down and spending more time at home. He just checked again what I'm doing...  No matter how often you explain that you're an independent 27 year old woman living her own life I'll always be his youngest daughter. Dads!)