F for frustration.

I woke up after six to get prepared for my early morning appointment at the Hospital. Good thing about the more earlier hours on weekdays is the space around you in the public transportation that allows you to move around and breath freely.

Got my appointment on time and shortly I faced with a nurse with a pile of paper looking more like a bible full of questions about my medical history and current health status.

Everything seemed absolutely fine and my narrow systemic medical history was shortly written down. (I know, I know.... but sports injuries etc. go under being active person and those simply aren't major medical problems.) The story would have been completely different if questions would have touched matters of heart, future plans or my current all-over-the-place role at work.

It is funny that I can be professional and confident when helping others to deal with their medical things but I just simply start panicking when visiting my GP or hospital myself. It happened again:

Blood pressure measurements were taken and I started giggling nervously when I saw my heart rate rising:

 ..... 65........  72 .......  78 ..... 80 ....

Hyperventilation and panicking are the names of the game! Hard to admit but I still feel light headed and shaky.  And it didn't help to get a pile of papers and advice to take home.

There I was listening with my heart rate rising by every word that she said and when asked if I had any questions:

With arms wrapped around my body to keep me from shaking and eyes fully open with begging stare I asked: "When will I have the next appointment after the surgery? I really want to fly to Finland to see my family and be looked after by them". 

Nurse: "The doctor will tell you exactly what will come after your surgery. "

Apparently my return to Finland for a short time period is endangered.


Universe can you stop sending more shit to my direction?! Every cloud should have a silver lining. And I'm a diamond already so no more pressure is needed!

YEAH BABY! Or actually... my shoulder... sh....

The only thing you can do in these kind of situations is just to laugh on the faces of challenges and stop caring about things that don't deserve your attention. BOOM!

Just to annoy you guys here's my song of the week. Pharrell Williams - Happy